Wednesday, December 03, 2014

Daria's Rantings - Awesome threesome

*I am posting this third ranting as my alter-ego the misanthropic Daria Morgendorffer

They say threesome are awesome. Really? The threesome I had unfortunately encountered are far from awesome - Jabba the Hutt, Asajj Ventress & Nute Gunray.
"A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away", there lived...
... Asajj Ventress who enjoyed deadly rivalry with her friends. She was blessed with 'beauty' (if you're into that kind of look) and some fame that flamed her mean streak. She was a mere acquaintance whom I didn't particularly want to keep in touch with. At a sudden encounter at the entrance of Borders:

Asajj: Hey, how are you? What are doing now?
Me: I'm fine, thanks. I'm... (telling her my post 'A' level plans)
Asajj: Did you actually pass your 'A' level?
Me: No, I just slept with the examiner. 

Nute Gunray wasn't always opportunistic, scheming and greedy. In fact, for a short period, we hung out as good pals. Some thought that we were dating (Heaven forbid!) since we were always going in the same circles and stayed in the same continent at some point. Some found Nute (pronounced as Nude) cute. Look, I wasn't too shabby looking myself. But few people knew I was interested in Luke Skywalker. It was Nute and me, they gossiped.

Nute: Hmm... how did you get the Fulbright Scholarship? Maybe the scholarship is not that prestigious after all...
Me: What! 
Jabba the Hutt. He looked quite harmless (see adorable photo), right? I didn't even know who he was. Apparently, he was rising up the Galaxy's ranks. People spoke highly of him. He was "our hope", they extolled. Sure he had packed in a few kilograms of fat but what successful and prosperous creature wouldn't? Have you ever seen a thin Mafia boss? He was no Mafia but harboured a dark secret that even my sixth sense couldn't pick up. I guessed his pheromones deceived me (and many others) into believing that he was actually a Jedi.

Jabba: I could have gotten into Oxford to study Medicine. But we couldn't afford it.
Me: Aww... (genuinely impressed). That's a shame. But you're doing very well now.
Jabba: I can't complain.

Then, these threesome conspired against me...

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