Friday, December 05, 2014

Daria's Rantings - Pigs in Space

*I am posting this fifth ranting as my alter-ego the misanthropic Daria Morgendorffer

I love watching The Muppet Show! The Muppets come in all shapes, sizes and colours; they have unique, identifiable characters. In fact, I think they mirror human beings. One of the sketches is 'Pigs in Space' featuring the exploits of Captain Link Hogthrob, First Mate Piggy and Dr. Julius Strangepork leading a crew of pigs aboard the Swinetrek. 

Piggy: Oh, that Daria, that that....arggghhh... 'Individual'! She even threatened to sue us!
Dr Julius: Well, she would be right to do that. You did infringe her work.
Piggy: Shut Up! Why are you defending her?
Cpt Link: My dear Piggy is right. Daria is such a nuisance. Always fighting us. She thinks just because she is a Scholar, she is so damn smart.
Piggy: Yes, that's right, darling Link. I heard she didn't even graduate from Cambridge. Puff!
Dr Julius: I think it's good that she stands up for her rights and her family. It's almost admirable... How many people have her guts and deep love for her family?
Piggy: (red in the face) Dr Julius, before I kick you out to the Black Hole, you better stop your useless rantings! Maybe you have a crush on her... Argghhh...
Cpt Link: Daria is just jealous of our success. We are exploring into space, new frontiers while she is still stuck on earth. Oink. Oink.
Dr Julius: Well, you did destroy her spaceship... But, I heard she bounced back and her new X-Wing Fighter was shortlisted for having the best hypersonic speed V8 engine design! Perhaps we should engage her?
Piggy: Over my dead, fat body! We should continue slandering her and convincing Prime Minister Kermit that she is part of the rebellion to control the earth.
Cpt Link: Excellent idea my beloved Piggy! We must bombard her spaceship with ammunition and missiles. We must make up stories of her bad character, boycott her corporation, and spread malicious rumours about her. She thinks she is Katniss? Petui!
Dr Julius: But... but... that's cruel!
Piggy: And we have only just begun... hahahaha (*evil laughter)

By George Orwell, there have been, are, and always will be pigs in every society. Don't blame me for hating those pigs. Even the Angry Birds want to destroy them.

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